But, now I’ve found my own spirituality.
I didn’t grow up in a church-going household
My family didn’t attend church, at least as far back as I can remember. My father grew up in a strict religious home. I’m not sure about my mother, but I know they did attend church regularly until I was about one or two years old. I’m the third child. My older sister died when I was two, and my parents didn’t attend church ever after that. (My mother did join a church when I was an adult.) I guess they were mad at God, in a way.
I was, however, taught about God and Christianity, somewhat. We celebrated all of the Christian holidays. I attended vacation bible school and church with neighbor friends when I was invited. I always wanted to be in a family that attended church regularly. It seemed important to me. One year, in fifth grade, my parents decided to send me to a private church school at a nearby Baptist church. It was the first time I had really studied the Bible. We attended chapel every week, where we listened to a sermon by the preacher.
I was in complete fear every day
I was a really good child. I was quiet, and too afraid of repercussions to misbehave. But as the months went on, I began to believe if I died during that time, that I was going to hell. See, this church, like many in the south, taught that if you had not been baptized or accepted Christ as your personal savior, you were going to hell. I didn’t even know what it meant to accept Christ as your personal savior. I knew that I had not been baptized, however, and that meant damnation in my eyes. I’m sure I asked my mom questions, but I don’t think anyone knew the extent of my stress and worry. I prayed fervently every night that I could go to Heaven.
Hell was a scary place, with intense heat. You would be miserable for eternity if that was your fate. I was only ten years old, with no major crimes or behavior issues, of course, but that didn’t matter as far as I was concerned. I hadn’t been through the ceremony of being dipped in water and prayed over.
At some point, I decided, (or was told maybe), that God didn’t send kind, loving people to hell. I didn’t need a ceremony or water to show that I believed in God and lived a Christian lifestyle. The next year, I went back to public school, and felt relieved to not be getting the message that I was somehow damaged every week. That experience did traumatize me for a long time afterwards, with the thought that I wasn’t good enough, or must try harder in the back of my mind.
I found my own spiritual path
Over the years, I did attend church sporadically. I always wanted to be a person that went to church every week, but somehow the message wasn’t quite right, or the politics turned me away. I still believe in The Bible and it’s teachings. I love a good Bible study with other women, but I guess I just don’t enjoy the rules of religion.
About 12 years ago, I decided that spirituality was very important to me, and I created my own daily practice. I read from several spiritual books every day. I pray and listen for God to show me the way, instead of trying to force my will. I believe God (or my Higher Power) is love. Fear of being struck down for my sins, does not plague me. Watching for the signs of this Higher Power brings me the greatest sense of security and well-being. I may not always be happy with the timing of events, but I know that they are happening in God’s perfect timing.
“Stress makes you believe that everything has to happen right now. Faith reassures you that everything will happen in God’s timing.” – Unknown
Create your own spiritual practice
Whether you go to church, or you practice on your own, spirituality can be a great stress reliever. Perhaps you don’t call your higher power, God. There are many names people use for the universal power of love, that all encompassing energetic being that brings people together. Either way, belief in this power brings a sense of peace and well-being. How can you get closer to this divine energy, and feel that peace for yourself?
- Find a time to sit quietly – Is there a time and place in your day that you can focus on connecting to your higher power? Mine is in the morning, as part of my morning routine. I wake up before everyone else in the house, while it is still dark and quiet. Some people practice spirituality at night before bed.
- Decide what you will do during this time – Will you meditate, pray, or read? (I do all three.) You could listen to a spiritual book or podcast. You could say affirmations or mantras about faith. Whatever you choose, make it meaningful to you.
- Return to your faith whenever you feel stressed – Collect verses, mantras, or affirmations that soothe you during times of stress. I put some as reminders in my phone. They pop up throughout the day, but I’ve memorized most of them so that I can repeat them as necessary. Here are a few:
- What would you have me do? Where would you have me go? What would you have me say, and to whom?
- I show up and shine my light as far as God sees fit.
- God, please help me heal my mind. Wherever my thoughts have strayed from love, I’m willing to see differently.
- Trust!
- “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? “Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? “And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? Matthew 6:25 – 6:26
Do you have a spiritual practice? What is a favorite mantra or Bible verse of yours? Share in the comments.
