And get really honest with your answers.
Life Can Be So Hard Sometimes
Some days, waking up is a difficult chore. You have nothing to look forward to, except mundane daily tasks, and who knows what from your family. Life can be so hard sometimes.
This was me several years ago. I was stuck in a job that I no longer liked. There were aspects that I liked, but it was difficult to go to work every day. I had a boss that was making me miserable (I had no boundaries), and I was teaching a class that was overwhelming with student needs. It wasn’t an option to leave my job, because I had a contract and family obligations.
On top of that, I was having family problems. I was stuck between my kids, my ex, my dad and my husband. Everyone wanted something from me, but no one agreed on what that should be. (Again, I had no boundaries.) I was a people pleaser, trying to make everyone happy, but myself.
One Day I Had an Epiphany!
Things all came to a head with a big family drama. I realized I wasn’t going to make everyone else happy. It just wasn’t possible. I only had control over myself. I had to figure out these 7 things, and then my life was a lot happier. You can be happier too, if you ask yourself these questions.
- What can I control? – You can spend a lot of wasted days, hours, and minutes trying to control how another person behaves. People-pleasing is a form of control. You are trying to make someone else behave in the way you want, by ignoring your own needs and pacifying them. Nagging, yelling, and bargaining don’t work either. You can only control yourself. Set up boundaries around your own behavior. For me, it looked like, telling my boss all the things I was doing to make sure my students were successful. It was standing up for myself when she was unfair. It was me honoring my own feelings, and letting my family know when they were stepping on my boundaries. It was making the best, right decision for me and my kids.
- How does this make me feel? – I was a pro at shoving down emotions. “It’s okay. I can handle this. I’ll just try harder.” I ignored when I felt angry. I didn’t allow myself to feel sad. When I felt shame, I didn’t evaluate whether it was valid or not. I started tapping into my emotions, naming them, and working through them by journaling, meditating, or talking to a supportive person.
- Am I letting people take advantage of me? – I was terrible about letting certain people take advantage of me, so as not to escalate the drama. They knew if they took it up a notch, I would cave and give them what they wanted. I was afraid of abandonment by my kids and other family. I had to learn to stand up for myself, no matter what the consequences. I learned that the people that truly love and care for you will respect you and still be there for you.
- Am I trusting in my Higher Power? – I felt like I had all the control, (or the people around me did, and I was the victim.) I believed in God, but I didn’t give over my trust that He would handle things in the best way possible. I had to let go and have faith.
- Am I asking for help? – I suffered in silence for the longest time. No one knew what was going on in my life. My friends were shocked, and said they wish they had known. So many friends helped me, coworkers, old friends, and new friends. People want to support you. Find a friend, coworker, family member, clergy member, coach, or therapist who will listen and give loving guidance.
- What do I want my life to look like? – I just wanted to be happy. To me, that meant peace. I had no idea how to get there. I walked around like a zombie most of the time. A smiling zombie. It took many tiny steps to improve my life. I started with what I wanted life to look like. What were my future goals? Where do I want to work? Who do I want to be in my life? What do I want to feel? What do I want my physical health to be like?
- What is my life purpose? – I always loved kids, helping people, and teaching things. I had spent so many years teaching kids. Could I take all the things I have learned and help other women by teaching them? I took a course on health coaching and set about helping women find peace and joy in their lives. Your purpose is usually something you love to do, or something that you have overcome and can now help other people do the same.
You’ll Be Well on the Way to a Happier Life
If you ask yourself these 7 questions, and get totally real about the answers, you will be well on the way to a happier life. Once you get vulnerable, and take an honest look at your needs, emotions, and desires, things will start falling in place for you. You will begin to feel more peace and joy.
