I can’t remember.
A Mentor Asked Me This Question
A mentor asked me what brings me joy. I could not come up with an answer at first. What do I even like?Of course, I could say all the usual things, like my kids, my spouse, etc., but other than that, I had to really think about it. She told me and the other group members to make a list of 100 things that bring us joy. What!? 100? I could barely think of 10. She advised us to work on it a little each day until we got to 100. It didn’t matter how big or small the thing was.
Why Couldn’t I Think of Anything?
Most of us were taught to be quiet at school. “Raise your hand for a turn to talk.” If the teacher ever got to us, we were lucky to let our opinion be known. If you were a shy child, like me, you rarely raised your hand. No one ever got to hear your opinion.
At home, things weren’t much different if you were competing with your parents’ jobs, and other siblings for attention. We were told, “Do what I say, without complaining! I’m the boss.”, or “Your brother has a baseball game tonight, and we’re all going.”
You learned that to stay out of trouble, you had to go along. We carried that into adulthood, giving in to our spouse, our kids, our friends, and our coworkers. Now, when someone asks what we like, it’s hard to remember.
Ask Yourself These Questions
- Would I choose to do this if no one else were around?
- Would I resent or regret having to do this later?
- Does this make me feel good?
- Is there another choice that I would like even better?
- If everyone else disagreed, would I still want to do it (even secretly)?
Tips to Get Some Ideas About What You Like
- Think about what you liked to do when you were about 10 years old. This can give you a good clue.
- Browse Pinterest
- Take an online quiz. Several popped up when I was researching for this article.
- Ask your parents what you liked as a kid.
- Google articles about a ‘Joy List’ to get inspiration
Go Back to Your Own Joy List
Go back to your ‘Joy List’ and fill out as many things up to 100 as you can. (It’s okay to go over!) Pull out your list any time you are feeling bad, and choose one thing on the list to do. For me, that might be painting, taking a walk in nature, or buying a new book. Here are a few other examples:
- Dinner with a friend
- Watching a ‘chick flick’ (romance movie)
- Taking a bath with essential oils
- Going shopping with my daughters
- Hanging outdoors with my sons
- Watching a comedy show
- Planting flowers in my garden
- Playing with my dog
- Baking a dessert
Refer to your Joy List any time you need an extra bit of joy. What will you add to your list? Let me know in the comments.
Empath Reboot, my signature 12-week program, is open! This program is for empaths who want to relieve, emotional and physical pain, so they can find peace and joy in their lives. Go here for details.
