The narcissist quietly controls how you show up for your dreams.
Is It Concern, or Something Deeper?
When you have a narcissistic partner, work, and goal sabotage can be so subtle. It often comes across as concern, helpfulness, or normal relationship disagreements. You usually don’t recognize it until you feel stuck, or you look back and realize how many opportunities you’ve missed.
In healthy relationships, partners often compromise, and one partner has to abandon a goal, but they do it willingly for the betterment of the relationship. However, in a narcissistic relationship, there is often an element of coercion and guilt involved in the decision making. One partner is always the one to compromise their work and career goals.
10 Ways The Narcissist May Sabotage Your Goals
These are some of the sneaky ways a narcissistic partner may sabotage your goals for success.
- They will start an argument right before something important. Suddenly the narcissist brings up a problem. The discussion keeps you up all night and leaves you emotionally exhausted, right before a big meeting, a test at school, or a job interview.
- They make you feel guilty for spending time on your goals. Every time you take a class, work on your business, or pursue something important, they claim you are neglecting them or the family.
- They create emergencies when you need to focus. Something urgent comes up right before a big deadline for you.
- They disguise discouragement as concern. They say things like, “I’m just worried you’ll be overworked.”, or “I don’t want you to be disappointed.” Eventually, you begin to doubt your own abilities.
- They don’t help with household responsibilities. You take care of the kids, the housework, and appointments. That leaves little energy left over for your goals.
- They make fun of your dreams. They laugh at your business ideas, or make jokes about your career plans. Your confidence begins to dwindle.
- They move the goalposts. They tell you they’ll support your goals once the kids are older, or when they reach a certain career milestone themselves. When that time comes, there’s always another reason to wait.
- They make your success about them. They say you only got there because of their help, or they did something even better. They may complain that you’re getting too much attention.
- They interrupt you repeatedly while you’re working. You’re expected to answer every call or text immediately, even when they know you’re busy. If you don’t answer, there will be big consequences later, like raging arguments or the silent treatment.
- They blame your success for harming the relationship. If you spend time on building a successful business, or earn more money, they make you fear the relationship will end. Your independence becomes a threat, so you begin holding yourself back to keep the peace.
Here’s Why This Is So Difficult To Recognize
This work or goal sabotage is so hard to recognize because it’s subtle. You might think you’re just not disciplined enough. You might be convinced that you’re bad at managing your time, or that you never follow through on anything.
In reality, you’ve been spending so much energy managing someone else’s emotions, that you haven’t had enough energy left to pursue your own dreams.
Of course, not every interruption or disagreement is sabotage. It’s the repeated pattern, especially when someone constantly undermines your opportunities. When your partner punishes your independence, or doesn’t respect your goals, that’s when you should suspect sabotage.
Your partner should be your biggest supporter, helping you win in all of your biggest dreams. Sure there will be compromise, and goals that aren’t realistic, but your partner should be encouraging you to try something new.
If your partner isn’t your biggest supporter, that’s something to pay attention to. You can’t continue to live life with someone who undermines your every move, unless you choose to always compromise your goals.