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What you may think your responsibilities are in love
Depending on how you grew up, you may believe that you should never quit on a relationship. You might think relationships are hard work, and everyone deals with issues. It is your job to make sure fractures get healed. If you just work harder, try harder, be more, do more, be skinnier, prettier, smarter, etc., you can keep your relationship going. Not just with love relationships, but with parents, kids, bosses, coworkers, and friends too.
Then one day, your spouse walks out, or your friend ghosts you, your parent betrays you, your child moves out of state, or your boss fires you. You wonder, “What did I do wrong?” “Maybe I should have (tried harder, been more, done more)” But, if you are a person reading this article, my guess is that you already tried all the things. Otherwise, you wouldn’t care what I have to say about the subject. Someone who hasn’t tried all the things, doesn’t care, or has healthy boundaries and knows their responsibilities in relationships.
So, you tried all the things and were still abandoned or are having a difficult relationship
You’ve tried everything, but you still have a fractured relationship with a person you love. These are the three things that are your responsibility when it comes to this relationship (and every other one too).
- You are responsible for your own happiness – You think, “If only he would do this, or she would do that, I could be happy.” However, you can’t change other people or make them do what you want. (Unless, of course, you manipulate them, coerce them, or threaten them, in which case, you still will not end up happy.) You and you alone are responsible for your happiness, which makes number two just as important.
- You are responsible for your boundaries for yourself and others – If something is making you unhappy, evaluate its importance. For example, if your spouse doesn’t ever help with the dishes, but he does other things around the house, that may not be so significant. But, if your husband never spends time with you on the weekends, and you feel lonely, you can set a boundary for yourself. You can stop waiting around for him to make you happy, and do something with friends or other family members. If a friend is always late to your movie date, making you miss the whole first scenes, you can set a boundary by letting your friend know that you will no longer meet her for a movie.
- You are responsible for your own self-worth – It is your duty to tend to your own self-worth. As a child, it was the responsibility of your caregivers, but you are an adult now. No one else should have the power to tell you what you are worthy of. You were born worthy. Along the way, you may have begun to believe that you had to try harder and do more to be worthy, but that is not true. Increase your self-worth with a daily practice of self-care. Begin with the words you say to yourself. We can often be the biggest bully inside our head. Monitor your thoughts and flip them when they become negative. Instead of, “You are so stupid! Why do you keep letting her do that?”, say to yourself, “I am learning to take better and better care of myself every day.”
“Taking responsibility for being exactly where you are today, gives you the power to be exactly where you want to be in the future.” -Author Unknown
Take back your power
You have the power to make your relationships, both with yourself and others, as loving and healthy as you want them to be. Claim that power by taking responsibility for how you treat yourself. If you do the three things listed above, you will have the power to be treated how you want, and all the relationships not worthy of your time, will fall away. We all want to feel loved and cherished as our authentic self.
